Cousin Ernie bought an octopus.

[Captain O]

Ernie told his wife Eunice that he was going to make tons of money. He bought a set of bagpipes and planned to teach the octopus to play them.

After putting them in a room together for two hours, Eunice asked Ernie if the octopus learned to play the bagpipes. Ernie replied, "No, the octopus was having sex with it."